theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it because I queefed?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
