I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
