I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
