Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
