I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
