Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
