so that wasnt chicken after all
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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