i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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