Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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