When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
