I accidentally had phone sex last night
i already hear my dad disowning me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
