i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
