I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
We smell like vodka and hangover
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
