with your own penis?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
