I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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