i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
