I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
