just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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