i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
