I am full of burrito and curiosity
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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