called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
