She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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