Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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