But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
