How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
