I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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