so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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