Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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