I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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