i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
