its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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