Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
operation harelip BJ is a go
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
