those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
