theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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