So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
