A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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