I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
