I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
