fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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