It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
