I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
