the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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