you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
