I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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