Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
