Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
