I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
