I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
