I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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