I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
