you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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